I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
