tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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