I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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