he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize