just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
