I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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