My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
