we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
