Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
