dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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