Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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