college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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