You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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