Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
