My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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