Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
