Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
