I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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