he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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