You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
