yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
