Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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