So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
