I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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