It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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