This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize