it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
