my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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