Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
