i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
