I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
