Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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