my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
