at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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