you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
