You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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