it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
