Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
