I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
