bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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