Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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