she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
