My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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