Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
