I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
