Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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