im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
