I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
