he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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