best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
