I wish I could punch you in the face.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
