Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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