Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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