dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
