go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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