why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
