I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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